I am Enough.

Thursday I had an epiphany.
At work I caught myself comparing me to a thinner girl at lunch. I was heating up my Walmart chicken noodle soup and she was there pulling out some homemade restaurant-style concoction. I swear she was chopping veggies. Hair and makeup was perfect, etc and so forth.

It took me a minute to realize what I was doing and to stop it. Because what she is and is not has no bearing on what I am. I don't know her story.
Granted at that moment, I didn't feel like much. Yet, I don't know this girl. I don't know what private battles she is fighting. I realized that I was feeling insecure. And comparing myself to this girl wasn't accomplishing anything, except to add to my burdens and objectify her.

I'm learning how to follow my feelings. To try and figure out what is really going on.
Long story in short... I'm kinda dealing with a lot right now.

Not only have I been dealing with loss in the last few weeks, but the stress of moving to a new place and all that entails. With the sudden news that I might be out of a job a month after I started. To the stress of wondering what the heck is going to happen, to job applications, to job interviews. Oh, and getting some virus thingy.

Then comes Monday. There are some stresses at work, as I am now assisting 6 teams. Plus some personal stuff. And then I found a vitriolic filled message from a, now former, friend accusing me of hurting her, all for saying "hi" online.
This is what I get for checking Facebook at work. ;)

So I went home and I cried. And I cried some more and I ate dinner and I cried some more. Then I went for a run instead of eating a container of ice cream, which was the very, very tempting option.
Tuesday I had a job interview and was also still feeling a little emotional hangover from Monday and then Wednesday was the same and then I remembered that it was Maria's funeral and it was already over. I wasn't there. I really wanted to be there. But plane tickets are a wee bit expensive.

Anyway, so by Thursday I was not in a good emotional place. By recognizing it, I've been able to move past it.
Okay, that day I didn't have a home cooked meal. That moment I forgot that I do cook and fairly well! That I have adorable clothes and I like the way I do my hair and makeup. And I'm not thin and I'm okay with that.
That day I temporarily forgot what I am.
A beautiful daughter of God. A loud laugher. A cat lover. A bookworm. A faithful Mormon.
A good sister. A wonderful Aunt. A great friend. Loyal. A good employee. World traveler. Etc., and so forth.

I am enough!
I like myself for who I am! (my favorite part of Penelope) 
Because I am pretty darn awesome.

So it doesn't matter what anyone else is or is not. What matters to me is what I am and what I am becoming.
That is all Heavenly Father cares about. Me in relation to Him.

And so...
This week, as I was wallowing in sorrow, a song came on my playlist. I know it was a tender mercy from Heavenly Father, because it was exactly the message I needed that moment.

I am treasured. I am sacred. I am His.

The days will come when you don't have the strength
When all you hear is you're not worth anything
Wondering if you ever could be loved
And if they truly saw your heart they'd see too much

You're beautiful
You're beautiful
You are made so much more than all of this
You're beautiful
You're beautiful
You are treasured, you are sacred, you are His
You're beautiful

And praying that you have the heart to find
Cause you are more than what is hurting you tonight
For all the lies you've held inside so long
And they are nothing in the shadow of the cross

You're beautiful
You're beautiful
You are made so much more than all of this
You're beautiful
You're beautiful
You are treasured, you are sacred, you are His
You're beautiful

Before you ever took a breath
Long before the world began
Of all the wonders He possessed
There was one more precious
Of all the earth and skies above
You're the one He madly loves
Enough to death

You're beautiful
You're beautiful
In His eyes

You're beautiful
You were meant for so much more than all of this
You're beautiful
You are treasured, you are sacred, you are His
You're beautiful
You're beautiful
You're meant for so much more than all of this
You're beautiful
You're beautiful
You are treasured, you are sacred, you are His