Saturday, Saturday. The Day of the Past.

This day has taken me places I was not expecting to go.
I do not mean physically.

It's been an... interesting one.

It all started with a text message. Today was my team party. Which, since I no longer work there, I wasn't planning on going to. Then I woke to a text from my former supervisor saying I could still come. That she had not told anyone anything. I was not expecting this. I admit I was angry. What had she told my friends? And while part of me really wanted to see them, I knew that there would be questions. I also knew I would have to see her.

I'm not ready for that.

And, would I have to still bring chips?

I ate breakfast and went on Facebook, to see a couple of my friends were getting together back in the UK. I looked outside. The wind was howling as usual (Idaho is ever so much windier than Edinburgh) and there were lots of snow white clouds (very cold today. It did snow.), and missed Edinburgh. I missed my life there.

The Brit-Lit Tour was also four years ago this month. Four years since I first set foot in the UK. Today had been Raglan, where a cat scratched me, and Tintern Abbey, whose ruins I adored.

Now I'm back home again, jobless, and searching.
A few minutes later, my brother called asking me to come down and watch my nephew while they ran errands. My nephew is a guaranteed day brightener! It's a sacrifice I'm willing to make a lot. :)
Being greeted by a huge, two-toothed smile as you come in would boost anyone's morale. I chased him across the floor, we looked out the window and read a book. He also learned that tipping a cup upside down means the water spills out. My nephew is like Jack-Jack from The Incredibles, only cuter.

Alas, then I sat down with my bro and sis and let them read my Personal Statement for some MA applications. I don't like my statement. It feels wrong. I've tried basing it off one I wrote for my apps to Edinburgh and Sheffield, but it needs a tad updating, since that was two years, and two different majors, ago. They agreed it lacked - well, structure and passion and my own voice. So it was back to the drawing board. No submitting those apps today. Drat and darn.

Back home I went, to eat dinner, read some scriptures, say a prayer, and get to work.
My bro wanted me to wait, to research and work on it slowly. I don't want to do that. I want this done now. So I did.
I find reading scriptures helps me concentrate. I started this habit when I was writing my dissertation at Edinburgh. I'd read scriptures for a few minutes and then write the dissertation. It's based off a talk by President Henry B. Eyring back in 2001.

Link here: http://www.lds.org/ldsorg/v/index.jsp?hideNav=1&locale=0&sourceId=19fb76e6ffe0c010VgnVCM1000004d82620a____&vgnextoid=2354fccf2b7db010VgnVCM1000004d82620aRCRD

In it he speaks of reading scriptures before the secular things. So I decided to try it. I think it works. I show Heavenly Father I'm willing to receive His help and He gives it. It worked today. I felt some real inspiration as I rewrote my statement. The cool thing about Lds.org, is that you can type in a word or phrase and it brings up all those scriptures with that word in it. Today's search for "help" brought up Isaiah 41:10-14. Take a moment to read it... very powerful.

Alack, Saturday had more to bring to me.
Tonight was a celebration of my High School Drama teacher's retirement. My mom and I went to the High School, which you can see from my house. Oddly, though, I haven't been back into the building (except the library) for years. I walked in those halls and felt... alien. The carpet was different, the decorations were different, but the auditorium was the same. I spent a lot of high school involved in theatre. Never a big part. I finally got my first speaking role my senior year as a lady-in-waiting to Guenevere in Camelot. I sat behind my brother, the amazing actor and singer, listening to the drama kids put on a farewell show and felt all my inadequacies come back. I loved acting, but I'm not that good. I love singing, but I'm not that talented. It wasn't a fun experience. It was like I was 17 again (ha ha). Only those were not my glory days.
Being back there felt weird. Unfamiliar, yet oddly so familiar. A distant memory that might have happened to someone else. I looked into the music room, which served as the green room for Drama productions and also for choir practices (which I did all four years and, thus, spent much time in), and it wasn't... real? It was a strange experience. I recognized elements, but it was foreign.

Anyway, it kinda depressed me. Then, we went to see How to Train Your Dragon, which is about a misfit who learns to be himself. A message meant for me?
I adore the film! It's visually great, has an amazing storyline, wonderful script, an adorable dragon, and Scottish Vikings! I got to spend 90 minutes listening to Gerald Butler. Heaven. Plus, it's a bit Medieval and that always makes me happy. I want to see it again.

The film helped me realize that, although my life isn't going the way I planned, that I'll find my bliss (as Joseph Campbell says), my purpose and it will make me happy. If it involves a dragon, or Gerald Butler, so much the better!
Also, got to catch the last few minutes of Silence in the Library, one of my fav Dr. Who episodes. A little David Tennant always cheers me up.

So, goodnight, my peeps.
Sweet dreams.

Ta,
Stacey

Things I'm grateful for today:
My nephew.
Inspiration.
The Scriptures.
Good films.

Scottish accents!