Crazy Cat lady in training. And I'm okay with that.

Is it highly ironic that as I type this, Daisy (the cat) is curled up right next to me on my bed. I have embraced my inner cat-lady.
I didn't plan on writing another blog this soon, but a friend of mine posted hers and, while reading it, I felt I needed to write a response.

It's okay to be single! Really!

I openly admit I used to pine for marriage. My journal is full of "Why am I still single?" diatribes and my sad, sad dating history. Oh, I have stories.

My friend is going to try online dating. I did a while ago... it was scary. I did meet this awesome guy from Salt Lake and we went on a great date and called each other a lot to talk. I even went down for General Conference to hang out with him. One of the rare occasions where he actually liked me back. Until he dumped me via email. Which led to the whole hair-dyeing debacle.
But, that's for another time....
Also online I met the RM who had a foot fetish and kept asking if he could paint my toenails... Eeek.
Thus ended the online dating.

Ever since I turned 18, people have been expecting me to be married. Seriously, every dang year someone is predicting I'll be wed by the end of it. Half of the Edinburgh ward is convinced I came home to get married. Considering how my last date went, I hope they didn't place bets on it.

There have been many phases. I've had guys who, upon finding I'm single, have categorically stated they don't want a serious relationship!
I've been told I'm too stand-offish. Then too eager.
Granted, this was at different times.
I'm not sure what signal I give off now.
Frankly... I don't care.

Because you go through all the thoughts. Your heart gets broken and you start wondering what's wrong and if it's something in you. If you'll ever be happy. Maybe you even try to change.
This past year, I've come to accept who I am.
Which is one awesome person, apparently. (I'm always shocked when people want to spend time with me. But I've been told I'm awesome by people who should know).

Your life should not be defined by your marital status.
Growing up, I was going to be married at 25.
I'm behind schedule. I turned 25 and guess what? No man magically appeared.
Instead, I got a Bachelor degree, went to the UK for a month... when I'd never been out of the country!
Got another Bachelors, went back to England - all by myself- and got an MA.
Then I moved to Edinburgh and got a MSc!
I made friends from all over the world!
I love my life. (maybe not at this exact point in time, but generally.)

Sometime in the past year, I realized that I am great on my own. Marriage may happen, it may not. My goal is not to become the ideal wife, but the ideal Stacey.
So I'm going to share some nuggets of wisdom.

-Don't change for anyone. You should be loved for who you are, by everyone in your life.

-Give up on the jealousy and envy. I have no idea why Britney Spears has kids and I don't. Instead, read this awesome talk by  Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, "No one of us is less treasured or cherished of God than another. I testify that He loves each of us—insecurities, anxieties, self-image, and all." The purpose of my life may not be known to me, but I have the responsibility to do the best that I can with it... regardless of my status and situation. I try not to waste time envying those who have what I want, but to be genuinely happy with what I have and happy for them.

-Don't watch too many sappy romantic movies. This includes romantic comedies and BBC costume dramas. Eventually, they start to depress you if you watch them often. Trust me on this. (The Way We Live Now doesn't count).


-Find a hero. Mine are Sherri L. Dew and Dr. Elizabeth Blackwell. Two awesome women who made it without a man. It can be done. (Sorry, men, I can't think of any for you).

-Become your best self. A while ago, I read John Bytheway's book, "What I wish I'd Known When I Was Single." A great read for anyone single. There are a lot of us out there! And it's okay! Have fun and learn more about yourself. I never thought I would live in the UK, but I did!


-Make great friends. They will help you through the rough patches, even the married ones, and sometimes the married ones give you free stuff (like duplicate wedding gifts. I kid you not!) Good friends remind you that you are wonderful and loved. There are times you need to hear that.






-Rely on the Lord. Because He knows everything you're going through and how it feels. He'll be there for you. Trust in Him. Talk to Him. Study.

I hope these helped. They're nothing but my own opinion. Sure there are going to be rough days. That isn't going to change magically because you get married. I spent a lot of my young adult life thinking that my happiness was dependent on outside sources. That I would be happy "if" or "when." That's for another blog, though.

Oh, and make a good song list. I highly recommend "Single" by Natasha Bedingfield.
Also, an awesome talk by Elder Faust: Welcoming Every Single One.
Can you tell I miss doing research?

Now, excuse me, my cat needs me.